


i think i need help (i'm drowning in myself)

by lvckypeople



Series: something here is dying, and i could use a friend [3]
Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Angst, As you can tell, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Softness, WYNHAUGHT SOFTNESS FIGHT ME, WynHaught brotp, i'm unsure about the proposal, post-season 3 finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-09-29
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvckypeople/pseuds/lvckypeople
Summary: Wynonna finds the rest of her family and clings to what she has left.Or,The one where Wynonna realises how much she loves Nicole, they truly bond and they have an in-depth talk about the future.





	i think i need help (i'm drowning in myself)

**Author's Note:**

> waheyyyy i'm back on my wynhaught bullshit because that double finale KILLED me and i loved how gentle wynonna was with nicole in t h a t scene so
> 
> another to add to my beloved wynhaught collection and just a heads up, this is soft as all fuck guys i love them so much
> 
> and yeah if y'all haven't noticed quite yet, all of my fic titles and their series (if any) are lyrics. this particular one is help by papa roach but if y'all want the songs from anything else i've published, just google them and song will come up
> 
> thanks guys

“Do you think about her?” 

 

She doesn’t hear it at first, doesn’t understand what’s being asked. Not until she stops focusing so much on the ceiling. 

 

They’re back at the Homestead, Wynonna and Nicole. Just them. Nedley was there too, but the door slammed shut about half an hour ago and Nicole assumes it’s over missing Chrissy. 

 

Who’s still too, nowhere to be found. 

 

She can’t lay in their bedroom, not on her own. But she does it anyway. The pillow still kind of smells of Waverly and Nicole can cling to it for a little longer, cling to her a little bit longer, so she does. And she doesn’t take it for granted, because the further she pushes her nose against the soft fabric the harder it gets to recognise the scent of Waverly. 

 

Waverly, who’s been gone for so long that’s she’s starting to feel like only a memory. 

 

They’re losing hope, both of them. But they won’t give up no matter how tired they get. That’s their unspoken agreement. 

 

When Nicole finally replies, Wynonna has turned to look up at her from the floor where she was leaning against Nicole’s side of the bed frame. The bottle of whiskey being passed between them is empty enough for them to both have pounding headaches, but Nicole’s certain their lack of sleep is the true culprit. 

 

“All the time.” She whispers, glancing at Wynonna. Her heart breaks at the tears staining her eyes. 

 

When Wynonna cries, you know it’s serious. 

 

And when they both cry, here and together and in front of each other, it may as well be the end of the world. 

 

In some ways it is, really.

 

“I’m sorry we couldn’t get her out.” 

 

“Don’t you dare apologise.” Nicole sits up then, glaring intently but somewhat affectionately in Wynonna’s direction. “You and I both know this is  _ not _ your fault.”

 

“Nicole, I-” 

 

Wynonna pauses, eyes empty as she lifts the whiskey to her lips and drains the rest of it.

 

“I can’t carry on without her.” 

 

Nicole closes her eyes, a single tear falling down one cheek. She knows how that feels,  _ fuck _ of course she does. She knows how it feels to sit at the kitchen table in the morning, waiting for Waverly to come down the stairs, to kiss Wynonna on the head and Nicole on the lips before pouring fresh coffee and talking softly into the morning with them until some now seemingly insignificant revenant or supernatural drama occurs and they’re forced out of their domestic comfort to live the life they chose, only for it to never happen.

 

Every time, Nicole stills climbs the stairs and prays she’ll find her girl tangled in their sheets and breathing softly over the cold morning, waiting for Nicole to rouse her through soft caresses and warm smiles pressed against skin.

 

She knows how it feels to lose the person that’s most important to you. 

 

She knows how it feels to lose your everything, your entire world, in a single second. 

 

She  _ knows _ . 

 

Nicole shifts on the bed, moving over a little so that there’s more room and speaks softly, “c’mere.”

 

Wynonna turns again and sees Nicole, sheets up and arms open and expecting. 

 

“Am I not the wrong Earp to be doing this with?” They both wince, but Nicole understands. 

 

“Shut it, you’re my family too.” Nicole shakes her head and pats the space next to her. “C’mere.”

 

Wynonna gives in and moves to lay next to her, sliding between Nicole’s warm arms and shuffling close, pressing her nose into Nicole’s shoulder.

 

She feels better, having Wynonna there. 

 

Her arms circle around her back and they lay still, embracing the comfort they’re providing for one another. As much as they can, at least. 

 

“I see how much you love her, y’know,” Wynonna mutters, sniffling a little. “It astounds me, how much love you have for her.” 

 

Nicole feels another tear fall and she doesn’t wipe it away this time.

 

“I love her with everything that I am. I would work miracles for her, if I could.”

 

“I think you might have to if we’re gonna get her back, Red.” Wynonna moves back to look at her. “We can’t quit fighting for her.”

 

“You think I would? You think I’d give up?” 

 

“No, I know you would never.” Wynonna shakes her head. 

 

“You just feel better if you keep saying it?” 

 

“Yeah, something like that.”

 

They fall silent for a moment, and Nicole thinks about how quickly things had gone downhill. They had nothing left now, virtually. Jeremy and Robin are somewhere nearby, working on the next science project to help get into the garden and survive. 

 

But they only had each other now. 

 

Doc was gone, Waverly was gone. 

 

Waverly.  _ Gone _ .

 

It didn’t seem like a reasonable price to pay for ridding the Ghost River Triangle of the Earp Curse. Not when Waverly wasn’t  _ really _ cursed, speaking by bloodline. 

 

Waverly, sweet, angel Waverly. 

 

Nicole is sure  _ that’s _ what’s worst for Wynonna. 

 

The air is different when Waverly isn’t there, they both notice. 

 

Wynonna deflects a little more, she’s a little harder and makes more sarcastic remarks than usual. Nicole doesn’t smile very often. Not like she used to. Her smile could light up the room and put everyone at ease when Waverly was around, and honestly Waverly’s too, but not anymore. 

 

The Homestead - what’s left of it - is cold, dark and eerie. It doesn’t feel warm and homely like they’d made it, not anymore. It feels empty. 

 

As though something is missing. 

 

Nicole is most surprised that Wynonna is home tonight and drinking whiskey from the bottle rather than hitting up any bar, saloon or strip joint in town and raiding the alcohol, sitting at the bar and necking shot after shot until she can’t feel her limbs anymore. 

 

It leaves Nicole to pick her up after every shift, practically carrying her to the cruiser and driving her back to the Homestead. 

 

And every night is the same. Nicole helps her into the shower, washes her hair for her and rinses off the the alcohol stench. She holds her hair when Wynonna can’t possibly keep the booze down any longer and on the times she does sleep - once a week at most, usually not out of choice and definitely because she’s passed out - Nicole lets her lay in her lap. 

 

She never moves, just cards her fingers through a sleeping Wynonna’s hair and stares out the nearest window hoping to see something promising. Hoping the white light will come back and Waverly will come out of the other side of it. 

 

Hoping this is all just another one of her horrible, horrible nightmares.

 

She doesn’t wake up. 

 

And Wynonna laying here with her now, pressed against her, it grounds her just a little bit, despite the fact that she too has gone off the rails, what with becoming an empty shell of herself who gets ten minutes of sleep if she’s lucky. 

 

Wynonna’s somewhat surprised the first time she walks out onto the porch to see Nicole sat on the wooden railing left of the door, smoking what can’t be her first cigarette of the night. She’s surprised, but somehow she’s also anything but.

 

By the second time it happens, she takes a drag herself.

 

“Would you ever marry her?” 

 

Nicole gives a soft laugh, but it sounds empty as she moves one arm to show Wynonna her hand.

 

“Why’d you think I have this ring on?”

 

Wynonna widens her eyes as she realises and then looks Nicole dead in the eye. 

 

“Did she…?” 

 

Nicole nods. “Honestly I...I love her to death but…”

 

She pauses, and Wynonna thinks she knows what she’s going to say. 

 

“I don’t know if I’m ready.” 

 

Wynonna doesn’t flinch, it’s what she expected. Despite her comments she made when Waverly was around about them being practically married, she thinks she knows how Nicole feels. 

 

“I love her.  _ God, _ I love her so much, Wynonna. But I want us to get through all of this shit before we even think about marriage,” Nicole sighs. “I want us to be happy and safe and away from this bullshit.” 

 

Wynonna stays silent when Nicole pauses, because it is only a pause and not a complete stop. 

 

“I want us to be sure this is what we want. I want us to be truly safe. I want us to have Alice back. I want us to see how we work together as aunties to your kid, Wynonna. I want us to live a little before we tie each other down.” 

 

It’s another pause. 

 

“I know we’re it for each other. At least, she is for me. But I want us to be better together before we-  _ fuck _ I- I want us. A real us, one that isn’t bound by danger. And then in years to come, when we’re safe and Alice is home and we’re past all of this shit, I want to take her to wherever she wants to go most and ask her to marry me properly.” 

 

“You’ll have my daughter as a flower girl?” 

 

“ _ Of course _ ,” Nicole nods. “I want us to get married here, at the Homestead. With all of our family.” 

 

Nicole doesn’t mention the fact that Wynonna’s crying, but it pulls at her heart and her stomach drops nonetheless. 

 

She acknowledges her tears without verbalising it, instead brushing her fingers over Wynonna’s cheek and wiping the tears away with her thumbs.

 

“You can be my best woman,” Nicole grins softly. 

 

Wynonna gives a laugh then. “Don’t expect me to do a speech where I don’t talk about the amount of times you and my baby sister have woke me up during the night.”

 

Nicole fights a blush. “I wouldn’t expect much else.”

 

Wynonna smiles, genuinely.

 

“Thank you, Haught.” Wynonna moves an arm around Nicole’s waist. “For loving her.”

 

Nicole can sense there’s more she wants to say, and although Wynonna is private, she probes forward. 

 

“And…?” 

 

“For staying. For loving her. For loving all of us. For-,” she sighs. “For loving  _ me.” _

 

Nicole softens. “You’re my best friend, Wynonna Earp.” 

 

“Ugh, that’s gross,” Wynonna fake gags. “Your softness is revolting.” 

 

Nicole scoffs playfully. “I mean it.”

 

“I know.” Wynonna turns serious. “You’re uh...you’re my best friend too.” 

 

“I know,” Nicole smirks and Wynonna resists an urge to playfully hit her. 

 

Something in the air is lighter now. It’s not as though everything is solved, of course it isn’t, but it’s better. Because they’ve confessed everything to each other now, and Nicole has been honest about everything and Wynonna isn’t mad about it. 

 

“You better marry her one day, Nicole Haught.” Wynonna scolds. “You better get down on one of your damn knees - not both because I  _ know _ what happens then - and ask her to marry you and carry your damn children.” 

 

Nicole’s eyes widen and Wynonna laughs at her surprise. 

 

“I’m deadly serious. I expect some little Waverly’s and little asshole redheads running around the Homestead in the future,” Wynonna shrugs as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. “Our kids are gonna be best friends.” 

 

Nicole pauses, thinks for a minute, pictures exactly that; sat on the Homestead porch with Waverly Earp, her  _ wife _ sat in her lap with Wynonna standing next to them, watching Alice teach their kids the games she learns on the school playground. 

 

She thinks about taking them home after in the early hours of the morning because they lost track of time, thinks about tucking them into bed and then wrapping Waverly in her arms and pulling her close. 

 

She thinks about Waverly falling asleep in her arms and waking the next morning in the same position, hair splayed across the pillow.  

 

“Yeah, they are.” Nicole sighs.

 

Wynonna smiles affectionately and tightens her arms around Nicole. “Tomorrow, we fight harder.”

 

“And the day after, even harder.” Nicole adds. 

 

“Always.” Wynonna presses closer. “I love you, Haught. I don’t say it but-”

 

“Hey, I know. I love you, too.”

 

Nicole shifts, presses a soft kiss to Wynonna’s forehead and rests, closing her eyes and for the first time that holds hope, genuine hope, she smiles.

  
  
  
  
  


 

**Author's Note:**

> hit my [tumblr](http://legittattooogun.tumblr.com/) if you wanna say anything


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